With ten minutes to kill before they get here, I shoplift a packet of Soft Mints then dump my stuff at the entrance. Separate from the public queue, will people wonder why I’m not in it? I’ll move my stuff inside a bit. If I had an exhibitor pass I’d be going straight in though instead of hanging around. I’ll go back outside. Hope the books aren’t getting marked inside the box. Balls, it’s raining now, I’ll go back in…hold on, car. No, can’t stay by this door, I’d be setting up if I had a pass. I’ll put one of the t-shirts over the box and they’ll be fine, no one’s going to buy one anyway. How long can I ride this rain out without looking daft? I can’t go back inside again without looking more than a little OCD. Is that them? Looks like them. Can’t see with the Silver Surfer in the way. It’s them!“Alright mate?”
“Alright”
“Shall we go in?”
“Cool”.
“Hi, is this yours?”“Yeah”
“Oh cool, I liked the first one, is this the, er…yeah I like this one. I haven’t seen this other…mmm, is this the second?”
“Yeah”
“Cool, cool…I’m just down there on this stall, I’m…er Trains Are…Mint”
“OK”, shrugs. Shrugs. Who shrugs any more?
“Cool, yeah, have a good weekend mate”
That went well.
“Hi, er yeah, they’re four ponds each or all three for a tenner”“No, I bought the first one off your website”
“Hey, thanks man!”
“Really liked it. Thought it was dead good”
“Cheers mate.”
“Really….good”. Fingers the other two for a bit. “Well see you later”
No sale.
“Hey hun, been doing the rounds?”“Yeah, just been speaking to that lot. They said they don’t know why you hate them”
“I never said I hated them, I said their comic was crap. I’m sure they’re lovely people”
“Well I don’t think they like you very much”
“Oh well, I’m sure I’ll live. You love this stirring shit don’t you?”
“Can you tell?” Smiles and skips away to lose me more friends.
Five well-dressed Storm Troupers mince by:“Steve, Steve. Look, look, watch…you’re not watching, look”
Waves camp hand over the table
“These aren’t the comics you’re looking for. Ha!”
“Yeah. Bet every table’s said that”
“Probably. Well funny though”
Sighs a bit.
SHUT YOU FUCKIN FACE UNKLE FUCKER..’click’ “Hey Stinky”“Hey hun, erm I’m in town and you know how I was looking for an eternity ring?”
“I do now”
“Well I’ve found one and it’s perfect honey”
“Right”
“…it’s six hundred pounds”
“…”
“I got him down from six seven five. I though you could pay with the money from the Elbow thing and just get us a smaller cooker”
“OK”
“What?”
“If it’s perfect honey, you can’t let it go”
“Cheers hun”
“Clare?”
“Yeah”
“Can I have some money to buy some books?”
“You’ve had your birthday present already”
“OK, OK…(cough)six hundred pound ring(cough)
“…will eighty quid do?”
“That’d be grand”
“Hey kids, don’t mind us joining you do you?”“Course not”
“How did you do today?”
“Bit pants. Sold five, three of those to someone I was sharing the table with.”
“Oh well”
“NO, it’s been a good day though, had a laugh. Bloody hot though. The sun’s been shining on our table all day. Some might’ve seen it as a blessing but five sales says otherwise”
“Well there’s always tomorrow. Pint?”
“Aye”
“Right, I’m going for a piss so remember, don’t give them the free catalogue too quickly or they’ll just leave as they’ve got a freebie”“I know”
“Back in a minute”
“In a bit”
Attractive (expo attractive) older lady approaches table and motions towards Trains Are…Mint 3; “Hi, is this…”
“HAVEACATALOUGEIT’SFREEWITHCOMICSIMEANIT’SGOTALLOURCONISINITANDMYIMEANOURCONTACTDETAILS…”
“Oh thanks”. Leaves.
Balls.
“Looks good, looks good. I’ll have to sell some more before I can buy anyone else’s though”“What are you selling?”
“This comic called Trains Are…Mint”
“Ah, the one who hates Tales From The Flat”?
“Jesus…I never said I hated it. I said it was…well, never mind. It’s been blown into this big thing. My wife’s not helping either, shit stirrer that she is”
“S’funny though”
“Oh aye, adds a welcome edge of sorts to the weekend. We should have a West Side Story type finale to everything, with song and dance on top of the tables”
“Ha ha, yeah”
“Yeah…” Tries to quick think the logistics.
“See you later”
“Bye”
“Has this one got the Apocalypse Wars in it?’“No, that’s six. This one has the Judge Child story in it”
“Have you any six left?”
“No. You could try the Forbidden Planet stall”
“Cool, cool. What was it…Necropolis? Is that in any of these?
“No, I’m thinking of doing that as a stand alone”
“Right, right. Any Strontium Dog collections?”
“No, try the Fo…”
“Forbidden Planet stall, gotcha. This is the 2000AD stall isn’t it?”
“Yeah”
“Just wondered”
“Rolling down the street smoking enzo sippin on…four pound each or all three for a tenner, cheers…sippin on gin and juice, yeah”
“Have you seen the one with the frog on the front?”“Yeah, that looks really nice. There’s another one with a scientist on it”
“That’s the one, looks a bit Tom Gauld. I’ll probably buy them tomorrow when people are a bit desperate.”
“How’d you do today hun?”“Better than yesterday”
“That’s good”
“Aye, Steve’s got some nice mates who took a shot and bought a few. Someone wanted a t-shirt as well but it didn’t fit”
“Never mind”
“Good day though. I flagged for an hour or two; if I’d been at home I would’ve had a nap. I think I mentioned beer too much as well”
“How many did you sell in the end”
“Nineteen I think. Bit tired though.”
“Yeah, y’said”.
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